Is dating dead?

Wednesday, 12 May 2010 00:00

Debate

Is Dating Dead?

expliCIT gets opinions from a guy and girl on whether dating is dead in modern Ireland?

A Girl’s Opinion:

“Hey, wat r u doin?” If you receive this text anytime after 10 p.m., it usually means one thing: Booty Call.  Now don’t get me wrong, if this text comes from your best friend, it probably is a simple question of where you guys are hanging out tonight.  If it comes from the hot guy who sits next to you in college, it is a whole other can of worms. 

Dating at the college age has dramatically changed since the days our parents were young.  You dread it when your mother asks, “What does it mean if you’re scoring’?  The truth, is most college students are just ‘scoring’ with people, and not getting involved in serious relationships right away.  But the sad fact is that most relationships today evolve after a series of “hook ups”.  Does this mean that our generation is more promiscuous or does it mean that it is just the normal thing to do nowadays?

A single invention enabled the drastic change in courtships: texting.  Now, I love texting -- it makes awkward conversation much less dreadful.  You are able to ask questions quickly without having to hold an entire unnecessary conversation when all you really want is someone else’s number.  The one draw back to texting is that it also makes talking less personal.  Don’t even get me started on how texting has made our generation grammatically incorrect in the way they speak and write.  The fact of the matter is that texting is one of the major causes of the death of dating.  

The exchanging of numbers still remains, but the text wins over the phone call.  With texting, you have time to think of your response or ignore a person completely. It helps you to be less shy about reaching out to someone.  But how many times do you ‘reach out’ to someone and only hear back as the end of the night rolls around?  I think it is more times than any lady would like to admit. 

The old age of playing hard to get has been around since the dawn of dating.  Willard Waller in 1938 defined the “Principle of Least Interest” after studying students at the University of Pennsylvania. This principle states that the person with less interest in the relationship holds the most power.  Sound familiar?  Are you the initiator in texting at the beginning of the night?  After hours of waiting, do you find yourself feeling excited for a response even if your suitor might not be in a sober state of mind?  Don’t feel bad, because it is the norm on college campuses around the country, but how do you feel the next morning?

Now I know that this sounds preachy, but texting and hooking up go hand in hand.  Is it right to just hook up without the prospect of anything more?  Only time will tell, but it is safe to say that things aren’t going to change anytime soon. 

L8r D8r!!

Dee

A Guy’s Opinion:

While students more and more often are drawn into texting, meeting up and “cinema dates”, dating in our day and age is by no means dead. The use of modern communication mechanism like facebook, texting and e-mails has just made it easier and easier to meet people, and dating is like a job interview with a screening process. 

Much to my dismay, the first point of contact is far too often a drunken kiss, and then followed by a number exchange or a facebook friend request. Enter stage 1: Get to find out something about the person. People can text for days or weeks, and if they are still interested after getting to know the basics they can then move on to stage 2: meet up (again to my dismay, far too often in an alcohol setting). But this is far from all bad. It often allows people to meet the person face to face in a familiar setting with friends in the vicinity which allows for an easy get away if need be!

From my own experience, if this initial planned meet up goes well, confidence grows and you are much more comfortable to meet up alone. This is where stage 3: The dating stage kicks in. The cinema date is a tried and tested methodology. Spend time together without any major DMC’s (deep meaningful conversations). This can then often progress to coffee, dvd’s and maybe even some dinner.

There does then come a point where people ask themselves if they see this blossoming relationship going anywhere. It is at this point that the dating road forks, one road leads to a relationship, the other in to the abyss. Only the people involved can judge this, and far too often they take other peoples advice. There is one rule, and one rule only which you should follow – Do what makes YOU happy.

In my research and ramblings, I found this quote to be true and applicable - 

“There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.” Source Unknown

And they say dating is dead!!

I hope not…

John